My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I party with great urgency now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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