He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
