Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
