you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
