I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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