it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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