don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You took a bar mat shot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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