worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
