she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
