Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
