Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
