How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
