woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
