im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
