Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
