I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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