Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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