I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
