It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
