I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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