my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
