I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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