I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
