i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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