sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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