I wish you could order shots online.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
