the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
