singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
