Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
