Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
