Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
