If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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