i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
