i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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