My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
