Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
