dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
