Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
