so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
