$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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