Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
