um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
