Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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