every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
