the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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