I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
