Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
