I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
