At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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