Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
