tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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