I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
