omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
