I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
