I cut my penus on the lid.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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